I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
