i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
