All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
