Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
