your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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