Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
