I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
