every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize