I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
