I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
