Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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