This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
