How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
