I puked a lego.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
