haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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