Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
