she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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