someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
