This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
