Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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