Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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