a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
