from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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