I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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