either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
