he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
