I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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