She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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