Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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