If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
