with your own penis?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it glows. i had to have it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
