We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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