Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just want to make out with him forever
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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