god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the raccoons are back...
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