wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize