I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
