Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
