moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
