I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
