just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
