The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
