nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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