I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
