Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
