How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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