do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
