rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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