Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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