I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
