I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
