:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize