He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
