billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
