So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Someone came in the potted fern
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
