well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Randomize
