You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
