She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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