she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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