Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
