i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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