dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
