I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
