found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
