im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
