Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
