she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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