Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize