Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
