So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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